Once a gator, always a gator

On the television news this morning, I watched a woman jump into a tiger enclosure in a zoo to retrieve her hat.

Yesterday on Facebook, I saw a video of a woman petting a bison in Yellowstone Park.

Both escaped their close encounters unscathed and apparently unfazed.

I suspect anthropomorphism -- the attribution of human motivation or behavior to animals -- in both cases.

It’s common among pet owners who dress their Labradoodles in Denver Bronco jerseys, and actually believe the dogs give a hoot about Peyton Manning.

The proof is their wagging their tails when he yells “Omaha!”

And not to pick only on women, but here’s a tidbit from the Tampa Bay Times: Mary Thorn, a Lakeland resident, is fighting with state wildlife officials to keep her 6-foot-long alligator, Rambo, in her home.

Thorn has had a license for Rambo for 11 years, however, since he’s now 6 feet in length, she’s been told he must be kept on at least 2.5 acres of land.

Thorn argued that even if she had that much land, Rambo can’t be left outdoors because he is sensitive to sunlight.

Rambo, who weighs 125 pounds, wears clothes, rides on a motorcycle, and has a room in Thorn’s home. She takes him to schools and charity events to teach people about reptiles.

What better way to learn about reptiles than from one who lives in a house in the suburbs and shows up on a Harley wearing leathers. There’s a lot to learn there including the definition of anthropomorphism.

I‘m sure the woman who petted the bison in Yellowstone Park was talking to it and since she wasn’t gored there’s a very good chance she thinks the bison understood whatever inane chatter she was spewing.

Maybe it did.

Ditto with the tiger.

I’m betting that woman even called it kitty. She probably has cats.

Most remarkable in Thorn’s case is her claim that she has trained Rambo not to do one of the few things alligators do -- bite.

You can dress an alligator in cute clothes, train him to ride a scooter, and even give him his own room, but he remains an alligator.

And alligators bite.

So do tigers.

Bison don’t but they will run you over and gore you.

Even if you try to reason with them.

And treat them like people.

There’s a name for that.

Parker Heinlein is at

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