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Articles written by parker heinlein


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  • Almost Lost My Dog

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Oct 18, 2023

    Almost lost my dog. Happened just the other day. As I was crawling under a fence she took the opportunity to run away. I don’t know why. She didn‘t say. Worried me something awful, enough to make me pray. Was she hurt? Was she dead? Was it something I said? I hit the button on her electronic leash, hoping she would hear the beep, but if she did there was no response, all was quiet, still no Dot. I headed uphill for a better look where the trees played out and the grass was short. I called her...

  • What's A Local to Do?

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Oct 11, 2023

    Folks up here in Phillips County are complaining about a lack of places to hunt. Rich people are buying up all the land. Locals have no place to go. I heard the same refrain when I first moved here nearly 20 years ago. All the good places had sold to out-of-staters or at least out-of-county folk. There were few places left to hunt. I could only shake my head at my new neighbors’ plight, and offer my sympathy. Then I went hunting. I’ve been hunting ever since. Poor-mouthing Phillips County as...

  • Profanity has Prospered

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Oct 4, 2023

    My mother, a former high school English teacher, said cussing indicated a limited vocabulary. I never heard her swear. Dad, on the other hand, did swear on occasion, although not in mixed company, and there were certain words and phrases he never used or tolerated from me. I remember being knocked on my butt once after using the Lord’s name in vain. Profanity, however, has prospered since their passing. To a lot of folks, there’s rarely any polite company these days around which it’s impro...

  • The First Month of the Season

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Sep 27, 2023

    The first month of the season has nearly run its course. What little green was left on the prairie vanished weeks ago, hiding out of sight over the creek banks. The rest of the country is the color of straw. The recent rains won’t make much difference except to turn dust to mud. Stock ponds that were brim-full in mid-summer shrunk to half their size by the first of September as hot winds blew and the ground cracked. Where there was good soil the grass grew waist high, but on the hard pan, o...

  • My House and I Have Things In Common

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Sep 20, 2023

    Like me, my house has fallen into disrepair. My eyesight is failing. My teeth are falling out of my head. I can’t hear a thing. I have to plead with my knees every morning simply to get them working. My 108-year-old stone house has similar problems. It still looks good from a distance, but upon closer inspection, there’s a bit of rot to be found, a couple of doors need to be replaced, and the oven in the kitchen is kaput. That’s a big deal. Barb is no longer able to bake, her favorite escap...

  • The First Day of Hunting Season

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Sep 13, 2023

    I awoke Sept. 1 way too early. It was the first day of hunting season and I didn’t want to be late. After a quick breakfast I loaded the dogs into the truck, double-checked my gear, and grabbed a mug of coffee. On the drive down I worried that someone would be in my spot, but when I got there of course no one was. Opening day of upland bird season never draws a crowd despite my fears. It was dark yet, and I sat in the truck listening to Ace whine in his box. When it was light enough I f...

  • It is Nice To Have Someone to Blame

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Sep 6, 2023

    When filling up your car at the pump costs more than it used to, and the price of a gallon of milk soars, it’s nice to have someone to blame. Whoever is in office at the time typically catches the heat. But it’s not just D.C. politicians who bear the brunt of the criticism. It trickles down. Way down. John Demarais is the mayor of Malta, a town of about 1,800 people on Montana’s Hi-line. A genuinely good guy who sincerely cares about his neighbors, Demarais catches a lot of flack for thing...

  • Handouts and Charity Were Not For Me

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Aug 30, 2023

    Shortly after arriving in Montana as a homeless 18-year-old I remedied that situation by getting a job that provided room and board. After all, I had a skill. I could cook. I spent much of that first summer in the backcountry working for an outfitter who took clients on pack trips into the Beartooth Mountains and Yellowstone Park. The wages were minimal, but enough that I could pay my own way. That’s how I had been raised. Handouts and charity were for the less fortunate, not for me. But that w...

  • Old Man, Old Dog, and Young Pup

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Aug 23, 2023

    Nearly seven months after the end of last year’s hunting season -- cut short by an old-man ailment -- I’m ready to go again. At least I think I am. Almost every morning for the last couple of months the dogs and I have walked a brisk mile. At least Ace and I cover a mile while Dot does at least three times that racing through the sagebrush. Fortunately, I don’t have to keep up with her. An electronic collar keeps Dot in check. Ace, on the other hand, is kept in check by his advancing age. Stone...

  • The Contrast of Eastern and Western Montana

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Aug 16, 2023

    I saw the two sides of Montana last week, one still green and lush, bustling with commerce and traffic, the other already dry, the landscape turning to khaki, with sparse traffic and few people. The influx of folks moving to Montana is hardly noticeable where I live in Malta, a small town with a declining population. But what Malta has to offer isn’t what newcomers to the state are looking for. There are no trout streams up here, and no snow-capped peaks. The muddy, slow-moving Milk River skirts...

  • Something Strange Happened on the Water

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Aug 9, 2023

    While running the boat down the lake last week I spotted what looked like a bird of some sort on the water. Expecting it to fly as we passed, I was surprised when it didn’t. I slowed the boat, and turned around to investigate. As we got closer I could see it was a young gull. Grabbing the landing net I scooped up what turned out to be two birds hooked together on a fishing lure. Each gull was impaled on a treble hook through the beak. They were barely moving, but when I twisted the hook out o...

  • A Step Behind the Latest Technology

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Aug 2, 2023

    I always seem to be a step behind. Call me Johnny-come-lately. When everyone else was wearing Gore-Tex, I was still in leather and wool. When all my friends were listening to cassettes, I was rockin’ out to eight-tracks. While planning a trip last week to North Dakota to get a boat repaired, I sought directions online to the location of Swenson Marine in Bismarck. As I was reaching for a pen and notebook to copy the information from my laptop, a brilliant thought struck me; take a picture w...

  • There Is No Shortage of Hoppers

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Jul 26, 2023

    I saw a picture online last week of a friend posing with a handsome brown trout he’d caught. “It’s hopper season!” read the caption. I hadn’t thought about “that” hopper season in years. Instead, the hopper season I’ve become familiar with has biblical plague connotations. The grasshoppers were so thick in north central Montana last summer that swarms of them in flight were picked up on radar. While that’s yet to happen this summer, there’s certainly no shortage. Hoppers at our cabin on Fort P...

  • Those Stories Do Have Endings!

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Jul 19, 2023

    I recently read a story about two young men who paddled their canoe from Butte to the Pacific Ocean, completing the 1,300-mile journey in 52 days. I read the initial story when they began the trip on Silver Bow Creek. I never expected to read a story about the conclusion. During my time working for both the Livingston Enterprise and the Bozeman Chronicle I wrote and edited a number of stories about such trips. Plenty of would-be adventurers have grand visions of starting a float trip near the...

  • Asphalt and Sulfur Can Change Things

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Jul 12, 2023

    The railroad bridge collapse last month that spilled tanker cars full of liquid asphalt and molten sulfur into the Yellowstone River was hardly the first indignity the river has suffered. A broken oil pipeline under the river near Billings a few years ago comes to mind. So does a broken sewer line over the river at Gardiner, to name a few. The longest free-flowing river in the lower 48 has taken some abuse. Before the rail line between Livingston and Gardiner was discontinued, trains used to del...

  • No More Gardening, Let's Go Fishing!

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Jun 28, 2023

    I quit gardening this year. For the second time. No more tilling, planting, weeding, watering, or harvesting for me. My family always grew a large vegetable garden, and I was required to work in it. Once I left home, I vowed to never garden again, a vow I kept until I began growing gardens of my own. I had a small garden in Livingston, and a bit larger one in Bozeman, but it was in Malta where I really cut loose. My first garden here was a 15 x 40-foot plot soon followed by another of the same...

  • We Were Best Buds On the Water

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Jun 21, 2023

    On Father’s Day, I went fishing and thought about Dad. I don’t think about him every day. I’m not one to celebrate heavenly birthdays or lament his passing at the age of 90 nearly two decades ago. But I always think about him when I fish. He and I fished together often. We didn’t agree on a lot — religion and politics come to mind. Get us on the water, however, our differences vanished and we were best buds. Dad taught me to fly fish. It wasn’t something many folks did in southern Indiana, an...

  • There Was Plenty Of Action On the Water

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Jun 14, 2023

    Barb and I spent the morning at the lake catching up on chores. It was too windy to fish. By early afternoon, however, the wind began to lay. “Let’s go fishing,” Barb said. I was in the boat at the dock rigging a couple of rods watching her walk down the hill with an insulated bag of food and drinks when I noticed an ominous bank of clouds approaching. “Let’s wait this out,” I suggested, and we headed up the hill back to the house. By the time we got there big drops of rain had begun to fa...

  • If Only Money Bought a Few More Bites

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Jun 7, 2023

    They say money doesn’t buy happiness. Apparently it doesn’t buy fish either. I own a fishing boat with all the bells and whistles. It has three motors, sonar, and GPS. There are a dozen rods in the on-board locker, drawers filled with every lure on the market, and a live-well big enough to hold me. There’s even a retractable yard stick to measure all those fish I don’t catch. Before I could afford such a craft, however, I fished out of more modest boats and caught more fish. My most successful t...

  • I Haven't Been in the Water Yet

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|May 31, 2023

    It’s nearly June and I haven’t been in the water yet. There was a time I never would have let that happen. On the news yesterday I saw it was supposed to be 95 degrees in Paducah, Ky. I used to work at a marina near there, and when it was that hot I would start my day in the water, cooling off with a dip before opening the bait shop at first light. By now I would have been swimming for a month already. My friends and I also made it a point to start skiing in April, the water still cold eno...

  • The Most Depressing Season Has Started

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|May 24, 2023

    In a state known for weather extremes, it’s the most dreary that I most dislike. While a week of sub-zero temperatures quickly grows old, and summer heat waves are hotter and last longer than ever before, both pale in comparison to the depressing downer of smoke season. Typically, we don’t have to deal with smoke in Montana until later in the summer when the forests dry and start to burn. It’s all preventable, we’re told, if only the forests were better maintained. One former president, in a st...

  • A Bandwagon That I Can Get Behind

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|May 17, 2023

    I’ve always been reluctant to jump on bandwagons. The latest this or that rarely appealed to me. Then I heard about No Mow May, a movement that encourages folks to let their lawns grow unfettered during the month of May in an effort to benefit bees and other pollinators. Without hesitation I clambered aboard that wagon and joined the band. In all honesty, however, it has little to do with my concern for bees, and a lot to do with my disdain for lawn mowing. I’d embrace any movement that get...

  • The Lake Waters Continue to Rise

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|May 10, 2023

    The water is back. Following years of drought that dried up much of the state, an exceptional winter snowpack appears to have turned the tide. Every stock tank and ox bow up here is brim full. I may even have a lake house once again. For two years the water in Fort Peck Lake has been dropping, so much so that the bay upon which my house sits began to more closely resemble a ditch. Since the first of March, however, the lake has been rising steadily, up nearly four feet already, and the snow in t...

  • Our First Long Walk of the Year

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|May 3, 2023

    I got out with the dogs last week for our first long walk of the year. A couple of us are showing our age. I limp a bit more than I used to, and although I didn’t think it possible, Ace has gotten even slower. Never a fast dog, Ace has paced himself his entire life. It’s served him well. With the exception of a slower gait and a graying muzzle, you’d never guess he’s almost 12. I think. He might be going on 11. A middle dog, he always slipped under the radar, hunting behind older, better-trained...

  • The Drawing Came and Went

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Apr 26, 2023

    The drawing for special elk permits has come and gone, and for the first time in memory I didn’t care. Filling out an application for a special tag was something I used to do every spring without fail. It increased my odds of killing an elk, and guaranteed I‘d have an elk license in my pocket come fall, a general elk license being the prerequisite for the drawing. I loved to hunt elk. Over the years I managed to kill 20, evenly divided between cows and bulls. Whether I drew a special tag or not...

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