Phillips County News - One Nation, Under God

By Mark Hebert

A yeard in the life


How is it that I have been growing my beard for a year, but did not have a Happy Yeard Party? (A yeard is a one-year-old beard.)

If you have seen me out and about, you will have noticed that I look like a Duck Dynasty meets ZZ Top marsh-up lovechild…not in a good way. I don’t remember when I decided I would grow my yeard, but I am sure it has something to do with a conversation had with Malta’s Scott Meneely who works for BLM. Scott’s beard was the topic of conversation and if you have happened a glance at his whiskers, you know what a real man’s beard should look like. I asked Scott how long he had been growing his beard and he told me a story about the last time he shaved his mane to the skin in the name of charity (a way manlier move than growing the beard, in my eyes. Good on ya, Scott.)

Now, approximately three years later, my beard is way past my Adam’s Apple and though my mother thinks I look like a homeless person, I am digging my Grizzly Adams look (though I am going to stick to Vans and a pooch over moccasins and a man-eater.) Does the beard make me look 60? Possibly? Do I look homeless as dear mother has claimed? Certainly, but for now, I am sticking with it and here’s why:

*A year without shaving is a blessing by itself.

*The remainders of doughnuts, potato chips and other sustenance I find in my beard hours/days after first contact is fun and the food is just as good the second time

*An abnormally small chin now appears to be chiseled granite.

*Caressing the beard might not make me look wiser, but I have myself tricked into believing it actually makes me smarter.

*Halloween costume possibilities I had never considered.

At the end of the day, I thought that would have been a longer list. Oh well, maybe it is time for the yeard to go…anyone got a fundraiser coming up?

Thanks for reading and aloha.


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