The Rake Force: A New Hope

It’s not often that I weigh in on public policy. Years ago I suggested that folks who didn’t farm or ranch should live in town, limiting sprawl and taking advantage of existing infrastructure.

That didn’t happen.

Here’s another idea. Maybe this one will gain some traction.

The wildfire smoke recently was awful. It lasted for days and made breathing difficult. It seems to get worse every summer. Something needs to be done. Smokey Bear’s tired old mantra simply isn’t working. We need the Rake Force.

Similar to the newly minted Space Force and just as redundant, the Rake Force would remedy the failings of the Forest Service and put an end to forest fires.

An army of happy American citizens, armed with powerful rakes would begin to rake the forest, probably while whistling Disney tunes. It would be very powerful. It would be incredible. Everyone is saying so.

Marching behind a flag bearing the image of a powerful rake, members of the Rake Force, dressed in red, white and blue, would sweep across this great country of ours from sea to shining sea making our forests great again.

While the Space Force may someday supplant NASA by actually putting a man on the moon instead of perpetuating a hoax foisted upon us by Hollywood liberals, the Rake Force is sure to end our seasonal conflagrations with some simple tidying-up of the forest floor.

The fake news telling us to expect more intense and frequent wildfires as a result of climate change is just nasty when we could end them forever with a little raking here and there. Like magic, one day the fires will vanish, and the Rake Force can turn their rakes into plowshares or something.

I make this suggestion free of charge, the only compensation I seek is the satisfaction of knowing that not another housing development built in the middle of a forest will burn down again thanks to some judicious raking.

Oh, how I wish I wasn’t too old to enlist in the Rake Force, but the Space Force already turned me down and I suspect the requirements will be similar.

An old man can still dream though, and when I close my eyes I can almost feel that rake in my hands. It’s very powerful.

Parker Heinlein is at pman @mtintouch.net.