One Nation, Under God

I fear that it is only a matter of time

If I can hang on just a little longer, like magic it will be gone. My fears will vanish, and I’ll be able to stand proudly upright once again.

In the meantime I’m terrified. I’m of an age that any day could be my last.

As careful as I try to be I still slip up occasionally. Literally.

And then I fall down.

For 60 days I chased the dogs up hill and through dale, a loaded shotgun in my hands, safely navigating the uneven terrain. On the 61st I got my comeuppance. Following pheasant tracks in a skiff of snow, my feet flew out from under me and I went ass-over- teakettle before I knew what was happening. Careful not to let the shotgun hit the ground, I broke the fall with my forearms, elbows and left hip.

Scrambling quickly to my feet, I assured my hunting buddy that I was OK, all the while seeing stars and feeling like I was going to pass out.

It was my first fall of a long icy season. The snow that fell in early November never left, it simply turned to ice by the end of the year.

I’d been walking carefully for weeks. In the end, however, it didn’t matter. The ice got me.

It usually does before winter’s over.

I remember a horribly painful fall I took years ago in the Bozeman Chronicle parking lot after work. Another ass-over-tea kettle incident, this one ended with me halfway under my truck.

While I’ve yet to utter the cry “Help! I’ve fallen and can’t get up,” I fear it’s only a matter of time. Until then I’ll scramble to my feet as quickly as possible reassuring any onlookers through my tears that I’m just fine.

At the moment, my yard, which extends for half a block is about half ice. I try to walk on the high, dry spots when I go out to the garage, but there’s no avoiding the sculpted ice. It’s so slick the dogs have even fallen.

I have chains for my boots, but it seems a bit extreme to put them on simply to walk across the yard.

I am, after all, a guy who would rather risk injury and death for appearances than make wise choices to stay safe.

Anyway, like magic, the ice will vanish in a few months along with my fear of falling. Then all I’ll have to worry about is the pandemic.

Parker Heinlein is at [email protected]

 

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