Wifi in Yellowstone? I'll pass

According to the Associated Press, Yellowstone Park is considering a new fiber-optic line that would improve “connectivity” in certain areas for mobile devices.

That means tourists would be better able to send and receive selfies, tweets and texts while visiting the world’s oldest national park.

Instead of twiddling their thumbs waiting for Old Faithful to erupt, folks could amuse themselves looking at all the Facebook photos of kittens doing the cutest things. No longer would the kids whine “When are we going to get there?” from the third row of seats in the minivan as dad negotiates the sharp turns on Dunraven Pass. They’d be able to video-chat and compare nose rings with their friends back in Des Moines.

And Grandma probably wouldn’t be so nervous about being stuck in traffic if she could check out the new hairstyles on Pinterest.

Fly fishermen in the Hayden Valley would have ready access to match-the-hatch apps on their smart phones, and hikers up the Bechler could compare photos of grizzlies and black bears to decide if they should curl up in a ball or fight back.

What good is national park if it doesn’t have adequate bandwidth? You might as well go to the mall. It’s closer and has an Orange Julius.

CenturyLink’s $34 million proposal coincides with a National Park Service campaign to “Go Digital.” The NPS, like most federal agencies, appears to know just what folks want. Apparently, the record number of tourists who visited Yellowstone this year found the wireless access not quite up to snuff and left the park disappointed.

Certainly, this isn’t simply another ploy by a commercial wireless provider to make more money.

No, this appears to be an altruistic gesture, a move designed to improve the national park experience for everyone, kind of like an Imax Theater or a T-shirt shop.

CenturyLink is asking that the cost of installing the cable be covered by the Park Service and the companies, such as Verizon and Union Wireless, that will benefit from the line.

But remember, the park was created “For the benefit and enjoyment of the people.” And what’s more fun than enjoying a game of Words with Friends while waiting for the crowd to thin at the Lower Falls? Or receiving an email from Herbergers about their latest sale as the sun sets over Mt. Washburn?

Let’s hope the Park Service does the right thing.

Can you hear me now?

Parker Heinlein is at [email protected]