One Way That I Take the Edge Off

We are losing too many people to sadness.

Like many in our world, I struggle with sadness. I don’t really do or take anything to take the edge off when I am feeling sad or depressed. I like to try to stay grounded in reality and sometimes reality is depressing to me. I try not to judge anyone for what they do to escape their own sadness.

The one thing that I do to help deal with the issues going on in my head may seem crazy to most. I try to torture myself through working out early in the morning.

Those 5 a.m. workouts that I have been doing over the past several months have been my escape.

I am home but I am a long way from home (Illinois). Things have not been ideal. At times, my family in Illinois has had their own issues while I have been away. And I have struggled without them.

I love my job, but with every job, there comes stress.

With all of the craziness in the world, and not really using anything to take the edge off, I find myself struggling to process thoughts and emotions a lot of times.

I have had many wins in life but I wonder about one thing in nearly every aspect in life. Am I good enough? That thought depresses me. A lot of times I feel like a failure. I have thoughts that I am not a good enough husband, a good enough father, a good enough _____.

Back to my escape. Lifting has been good for me. I try to use whatever emotion I am going through while lifting weights. If it’s sadness, so be it. I have cried in the weight room! If it’s anger, I try to use that energy in the next rep. I have shouted in the weight room! At times, when the weight is heavy, there have been times that I yell at myself to hype myself up. (Typically there is no other person in there with me.)

I have noticed that even though my body is getting older and I am experiencing injuries that I didn’t have earlier in life, I am getting stronger.

I am learning to listen to my body more through fitness than I ever have. Thanks to technology, I am switching up how I am doing my workouts, and I am seeing progress.

My biggest regret is not taking it seriously sooner. Yes, I get seasonal sadness and sometimes have regrets of leaving my home state but I have had many triumphs here in Malta and I plan on more.

For those going through sadness or pain, please reach out to someone. Try exercising. Try anything. We need you here.