It's always time to celebrate

While trying to come up with a column idea for this week’s paper I stumbled across a website which listed all of the holidays in May. The list started off with what I will call the “real” holidays for the month, i.e. Mother’s, Armed Forces and Memorial Days. These are time-tested holidays, true blue and above board. However, the longer I read the list of “national” days, the more my head hurt.

I did a little research on the topic of how to create a “National” day and found that the first step is to contact your local congress person, tell them of your proposal and then wait and see if they can get it on the congressional agenda. If you really want to do it, it can be done, but you must have a lot of patience and dedication.

Other “days” are created by companies, local governments, etc, and while reading over the list I found some that went from educational and thought provoking – May is National Stroke Awareness Month – all the way down to “uh, huh? Really?” (May is also National Vinegar Month.)

I looked at the month of April to see what types of exciting days I might have missed and I am sorry, dear readers, that I failed to inform you of International Pooper Scooper Week which occurred during the first week of the month. This special week – created by the Association for Professional Animal Waste Specialists – was established in order educating pet owners about the importance of cleaning up after their dogs. Man, what a parade that could have been.

Back to the month of May. This month is National Military Appreciation Month. This month honors, remembers, recognizes and appreciates all military personnel. Now this “month” is something that I can really get behind. Both of my grandfathers, my father and my sister are veterans and where would we be as a country without the Americans who protect us today, in the past and those who have given their lives to defend the freedoms we enjoy. The only way I would modify this “month” would be to turn it into National Military Year, each and every year, for eternity.

But where there is good, there is also ridiculous. During the week of May 4-though-10, it is “Be Kind to Animals Week.” This “week” is designed to “promote kindness and humane care toward animals.” Now, I love animals as much as the next person. My dog, Stella (A.K.A. Hell Monkey), is the apple of my eye and I know there are thousands of people out there who love their animals like I love mine. I want everyone to be kind to animals, always, but if you are one of those scoundrels who isn’t, I doubt a greeting card from Grandma telling you “Happy Be Kind to Animals Week” is going to sway you from your idiotic ways …and you probably can’t read, either, so this whole column is lost on you.

In the spirit of this column, I’ve decided to come up with a few “days” that we can celebrate as a community next week.

Thursday, May 1, is now “If Your Computer Printer Doesn’t Work, Hit It with a Sledgehammer Day.” This day needs no explanation, just a firm, overhand swing.

Saturday, May 3, -- which is officially National Two Different Shoes Day – in Phillips County will now forever be known as “When Driving, Wave at Everyone You See Regardless if You Know Them Day.” Again, pretty self-explanatory, bend your hand back and forth at the wrist. (Also, I participate in this practice daily.)

Lastly, Tuesday, May 6, is now officially “Tell Everyone in your Family How Much You Love Them Day.” Like many of the “days/weeks” listed above, this “day” should go without saying, but a reminder never hurt anyone.

Thank you and Aloha.