That one had me concerned...

 I don’t pay much attention to all those television ads for medications aimed at my generation.

Still in relatively good health, I’ve yet to begin taking pills that will improve my memory, help me sleep all night, or shrink my enlarged prostate.

I figure the longer I go without, the better chance the pills will work when I really need them. Soon enough I’ll join the ranks of those fragile, befuddled old folks looking for a cure.

In the meantime, I’ll just try to suck it up.

An ad I watched recently, however, has me a bit concerned. Because I’m not on medication aimed at improving my memory, I can’t recall everything this particular pill was supposed to cure, but apparently double vision was one of the ailments. Or was it a side effect? Anyway, the ad showed an old guy staring fondly at his Labrador retriever who suddenly morphed into two Labrador retrievers.

I was terrified. Dogs already run too much of my life. The thought of them doubling in number, if only in my eyes, was a frightening concept indeed.

At the moment we only have two real dogs. We’ve had as many as four. Now deep into pheasant season, we had five dogs at the house last weekend for a total of seven.

Whatever, that’s a lot of commotion, a lot of noise, and a lot of poop. I can’t imagine suffering an ailment that doubled all that. How would I know which dogs to feed, which pile of poop to pick up, when half are hallucinations?

On the other hand, it would allow me to shoot twice the number of birds I do now, and every time I’d connect it would be a double.

But keeping tabs on both real and imagined dogs might just drive me over the edge. I already hear dogs barking in my sleep, which may or may not be an hallucination. I’ll have to ask the neighbors.

Fortunately there appear to be medications to cure pretty much anything that ails me, including double dog vision. If only I could remember the name of those particular pills, I wouldn’t have to start taking medication to improve my memory. That’s a rabbit hole I’m hoping to avoid.

I’ll just try watching more television instead.

Parker Heinlein is at [email protected]